Harry Potter, etc.

It's been a tiresome few days.

Thursday I had to wake up at 4:30 AM to drive up to Westland for this job thing. I was kind of in the dark as to what I'd actually be doing (but when am I not?). We drove an hour to get up there, and then were informed that we were needed at another store and followed a manager to the new store. This guy had bad directions and we ended up getting lost for two hours (which equals twenty dollars for sitting in a car). We finally got there at around 8, and then we had to wait and eat breakfast (wouldn't want to make anyone look bad). Basically, our "job" was to switch old Farmer Jacks into the Krogers they were blossoming in to. Our morning wen like this: kinda walked around for awhile, took some breaks, tried to find the dairy cooler, took a break, stopped for lunch. This is perhaps the best job I've ever had. We finally did some work after lunch when the truck came in. We stocked some dried fruit, which consisted mostly of us attacking each other with the price-tag gun. It was heaven. And I'm getting paid for two hours of driving when I didn't even drive! Ha. Take that, system.

Then today I got my hair dyed finally. I've been planning this for like two years, but never really had a chance between jobs and shows. My friend is studying to be a hairdresser, so I was able to have her do it, and it's pretty fly. I'm pretty blonde now, and I don't even look that flaming. It took like three hours, but I like going to that place. All the girls are pretty hot (they stand around and do their hair and makeup all day, so it makes sense) and they seem to get kind of excited when younger guys come in. I'll prolly go back soon.

Finally, tonight I accompanied my bud Drew to the release of the seventh Harry Potter. I don't read the Harry Potter books. It isn't my illiteracy--I have this aversion to stuff that is so immensely mainstreamly popular. I did have the first book read to me in seventh grade, but that's as far as I got. I'm sure they are pretty good books, but for me to catch up, I'd have to read a lot of pages. And I'm too busy thinking about...tacos.

The release wasn't as crazy as I thought it would be. Some people were dressed up, but not a whole lot. I have glasses, so I think I kinda fit in. And my friend seemed to be pretty "in" with the nerd circuit. He knew a lot of people. I felt a little out of place, but whatevs. I wanted to try the whole waiting thing, and this was my last chance. I did get some free Red Bull, so I think I came out on top.

That's what she said,
Barry

P.S. Apparently, some book website accidently sent out a 1000 copies of the book before the release date, and the NY Times got their hands on one and reviewed it. See it here

Trip out East

I just returned from my grandparent's house in Little Falls, New Jersey. It's greasy.

I did get to go out to New Jack City, so enjoy these photos a bunch. Can't talk much, I have to get up at 4:30 for a job. Sucky, I know.

The Ripley's Odditorium. An old vampire killing kit. Fun stuff.

Times Square and my cousins looking confused.

And of course the Simpsons-themed 7/11

Yeah, the trip was kinda short, but I did make it out to the Jersey Shore as well. It was a pretty good time. Honest.

--Barry

How I Saw Bob Dylan Up Close for $30 or Why Barry is the Slickest

Tonight was a big night. Bob Dylan came to the Toledo zoo. This is a big deal, because usually the only musicians who come around are Clay Aiken and/or the remaining members of Iron Maiden.

So, naturally, my mom buys tickets for my little sister and her little friend, neither of whom have actually heard a Bob Dylan song. Now me, I'm a different story. I know, like, two. C'mon.

Anywho, my mom was just going to sit at the park outside and listen, and I was like, I'll go to. The Barry loves to free load. So the opening act begins and my mother and me are sitting across the street just chillaxing. Apparently, the opening act was Stevie Ray Vaughn's older and not-as-successful brother Jimmy Vaughn. I wasn't really into them, they were a bit too bluesily generic.

As we sit, a 50-something old woman (who was actually kinda cute for a 50-year-old) is standing in front of the entrance waving around tickets. And I felt the need to haggle so I saddled over to her and asked what we were looking at. She had a $90+ ticket that she was going to give to her friend who had come down with pneumonia, and now she had to get rid of it. I offered what was in my wallet--$30. After some well-planned nudging, she relented and sold me the ticket. The seats were amazing. We were up in the chair area (ohhhh), about 15 yards from the stage. She even bought me a water (I just don't know what to do with all my charm). This had to be one of the coolest shows I've been to, mostly because of the ticket story.

Not to say the concert wasn't crazy cool. Although Bobby D does tour a lot, this felt like a rare oppurtunity to see probably the greatest living songwriter. He comes out in a double breasted suit with this fuschia tie on and a giant gray fedora, and immediately starts playing. Apparently that's his thing--he doesn't talk. I actually heard that he was notorious for playing like three songs, getting pissed, and then leaving, but people there who had seen him 50 times assured me they never heard about that. I kinda wanted a reason to riot, but oh well.

Say what you will about his voice, Dylan has a great musical touch. And live it's even better because he pretty much redoes the songs with different melodies. And his live band is pretty kickin too, the whole thing was pretty energized. He has a much more smooth jazzy sound then on his recordings, and I actually liked to hear him live more than on the radio.

While we driving down to Bonnaroo, we had a long discussion about Dylan and the nature of art in general. My companions Dave and Evan had major problems with him, mostly that they thought he sucked at singing. Dave also said that he probably chose being a singer over merely a poet for monetary reasons, which I thought was a crock of bull. Not only does he write inciteful lyrics, Dylan writes the memorable music as well, obviously he has a lot of songwriting ability. In the end, I actually like Bob Dylan. His voice is hard to understand and somewhat abrasive, but it mixes well with the music. There is so a very tangible amount of raw emotion in his voice, too. His solos are also inciteful. He plays guitar almost like he is giving an impromptu speech. There is an element that he might not know exactly where he is going, but he always comes to a conclusive point.

Basically, if you have the chance, go see him. Especially if you can get VIP seats for $30. Hahahaha.

Tomorrow morning I head off for New Jersey. YEAH! (no) Hopefully I'll get to go to the NYC, so we shall see.

Like a rolling stone,
Barry

Are you a dreamer?

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I don't know who I'm posting too, because the secret government survellience of my blog reveals that no one has been in on it in about nine days. So shame on you. I hope you feel bad. Don't kill yourself just yet--I'm in a forgiving mood.

A few nights ago I went out and rented a copy of Waking Life, a film directed by Richard Linklater. It quickly skyrocketed into the elite handful of movies that can be called "Barry's Total Favs." It's basically about a dude walking around in a lucid dream, which is a dream where you are in control. They are pretty sweet. You can like fly, punch people, and have super cool sex with like 8 hot chicks, or seven hot chicks and a dude, whatever your into. Anyway, there isn't crazy sex in this movie. It is totally rotoscoped, as in the filmmakers shot the whole movie digitally and then went in and drew over everything, which makes everything totally trippy. And there really isn't much of a plot, just this dude talking to a whole bunch of different people. And they say the most mind-blowing things. There are very few works of art that succeed in helping me get to a higher plane of existence, and this is definitely one of them.


The other movie, which I just saw last night, was Disney Pixar's Ratatouille. Not gonna lie, when I went to see Pick of Destiny, they had a preview this, and I almost peed. I love Pixar movies, and I love food. And I would say this lived up to expectations. Afterwards, I had much more love for rats (like Steve Buschemi, hahaha). This is probably one of the best movies ever made about food, another being Waitress with Ashley Judd, which I saw a while back and would recommend to anyone. It's sort of long for a kid's movie, but the beautiful views of computer-animated Paris are amazing. Plus, it made me laugh a lot for a PG movie. I would give it 4.5 Barrys. And there was a preview for the Pixar movie coming out next summer, about some sort of robot or something. Needless to say, I wish I had some sort of time/space transporter so I could see it right now. Yup.








Anyway, there's life for you.
Unplugged,
The Barry.

88 Degrees and Rising

Last night was really warm. I woke up and was all sweaty, and I felt bad for myself.

This weekend was pretty cool. Probably the best party I have been to all summer. Erik and myself drove his convertible into the Port Clinton sunset, which was decently moody. We got there late, everyone was already drunk. We caught up pretty well, and I was able to get ahold of some decent beer. And then these random Perrysburg high school kids came, and produced the biggest bag of...enlightenment...I had ever seen in my life. Of course I didn't tell them that; I was all like, I'm in college, I've seen quite a bit. And me being one of like two kids in our group of friends, I was able to get really enlightened. Which was really nice, since I hadn't since with our shady neighbors at Bonnaroo. And I think one friend of mine might have had a tent threesome with two of our female friends. I wasn't even jealous. Okay, maybe a little. Alright, a lot.

I got back, and then went swimming at Maumee Bay with the fam. Hooray for Lake Erie!

Other than that, I've just been chilling, flexing my alter-ego as a DJ. Speaking of which, check the post below for my two most recent mash-ups. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

And, according to my Google Analytics, nobody has visited my blog for like a week. You guys suck. Just kidding, please come back some more. I've got candy!

Desperate in Bedford,
Barry

SONG OF THE WEEK
THE ROAD I MUST TRAVEL
by THE NIGHTWATCHMAN
This is Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine all acousticish and angry. He has this really cool baritone thing going, and his lyrics are pretty haunting. Go out and download.

New Mashups for Everyone

So, the day after I stayed up all night, everything went pretty well. Then I took a nap at 5, and didn't wake up until 7:30 AM the next morning. And in my voicemail was a friend saying that she was going to see Ratatouille that night. I was pissed.

Either way, I channeled all this energy in creating a new mashup for Barry and the On Occasions. Hope you enjoy it. One or two more, and I can create a MySpace. That'll be kinda cool.


Barry and the On Occasions Present: Battle Drop
Flaming Lips "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt 2" vs. Snoop Dogg "Drop it Like it's Hot"



And here is a link to another one, based basically on After the Fire's "Der Kommisar," with a little Jacko, Daft Punk, and Tag Team thrown in for good measure.

Barry and the On Occasions Present: Just Turn Around

Knee High By Today

The fourth of July. Huh, good times. Actually, this post will be made on July 5th, but who cares anyway? I just was awake the whole night. First we went to my mom's work in East Toledo, where we were able to sit on top of the roof to watch the fireworks, which was actually pretty cool.

Then I went over to my good friend Dan's house until like 3:45 AM, where I learned more about a lucrative offer where I stock shelves at Detroit soon-to-be Krogers for $10 an hour. The catch? I have to be there at 6 AM. But I'm feeling pretty good about it.

After that, I came home, watched Swingers, and then walked around my yard like a crazy person at 5:30 AM setting off small fireworks with a cigar. A pretty interesting 4th, I must say.

I think this is the correct time and place for a hokey patriotic thing. The local Hippie-mart, the "Happy Badger," sent me, a concerned citizen on their mailing list, this today. Enjoy:

Fourth of July. “Freedom.” We see it shouted in the movies from the last breath of a dying Scottsman. “Freedom.” We feel it in our garden early each morning. “Freedom.” We see it in the eyes of a happy baby. “Freedom.”We enjoy it and battle for it every day.
“Freedom.”Feel it. Enjoy it. Fight for it. Nothing makes us feel more proud; our chests expand. “Freedom.” Nothing makes us feel more alive; craving it's passion. “Freedom.” It's a prayer that everyone can speak, and knows some Great Spirit is listening.
“Freedom.” Is there any concept more definable, more universal and more prompting of comradeship? This fourth of July, remember, honorably, the constitution signing of 1776, but rejoice and feel the fiery passion of “Freedom,”which fueled their fight. The battle for and joy of “Freedom” is waged and felt every moment in an infinite number of shapes,scenarios and stages, large, small, and even invisible.
Remember your strength comes from within, knowing “Freedom” is always yours, alive,whether born in a battle, working a garden or sharing a child's curiosity. Use it as a shield of thought against the multitude of invaders, human, man made or contrived, in every moment of life. You're always a winner when you fight for "Freedom," win your battle or not.
Rally tonight, the fourth of July for “Freedom.” Enjoy. Energize. Enlighten. Celebrate. Shout“FREEDOM! from within and to the world!” "Freedom!"

Pretty Cool, Huh?

Barry.

Collision

What a week so far.

I had my first ever car crash Monday. I had woken up real early (in honesty prolly like 9:45) to take my little sister to summer band. At the intersection of Temperance and Secor, some old lady ran the red light and like sheared off the front of my little '92 Honda Accord. Don't worry friends, her Rendezvous was not harmed.

Special twist. Apparently, my parents had canceled the collision insurance on the car, so we get no money to fix it, except for the automatic $500 (I have no clue how this works, this is just what I'm told) the lady's insurance will pay because it was her fault. Oh, yeah, no one was hurt.

However, even though my car is drivable, it's pretty much totaled. The front lights and bumper would have to be totally replaced, which would cost a lot.

Now, I am really considering getting rid of my car altogether, taking the $500 plus the $70 or so I'll get for scraping it, and riding my bike places. Really, I only need my car for 2 months anyway. I think it would be a cool little experiment.

However, I think my parents are kind of set on fixing the car. I guess I'll see how much that will cost. We shall see.

On another note, last night I took a nap at 7 AM, and woke up at nine this morning. What gives?

Stuff is happening,
Barry

P.S. Have a fun, yet safe, 4th of July. Huzzah!

Sicko and Stuff

Tonight I went and saw Michael Moore's newest debate-sparking documentary, "Sicko." It's about the American health care system, and how badly screwed up it is. He compares us to a bunch of countries with universal health care, like Canada, Britain, France, and even, yes, even, el Cuba. I liked it better than any of his previous docs; it's a lot more like "here's a problem that effects everybody" than "hey, we have a douchebag for a president." It's basically easier to follow, but I feel some of the details are a little askew. I guess I'll have to do some research checking. Unfortunately, I am apathetic. Life goes on.

Sicko did provide the premise for an in-depth Taco Bell analysis of my fiscal situation with my colleague Drew (he's the guy with the bus behind him in the pictures below).

There are times that I realize that me not having a steady job during this summer could possibly have far-flung effects in my future. At least it would give me a head start. Right now, I'm facing around $1000 a month of student loans when I get out of undergraduate. That's a lot of blowjobs. And I probably won't be able to afford health insurance, so let's hope I don't chop any fingers off. How would I be able to acheive my dream of being a hand model then? However, my plan is just kinda to kick it this summer, than wait until I'm back in Chicago to get a real, real job.

Not gonna lie, since I've been unemployed, I've become really, well, you know (let's just say I should buy a prayer shawl and eat more pastrami. jk jk anti-semitism isn't cool with this guy...I can't afford a yarmulke, but now that I think of it, I might be able to snag some cash if I had a bar mitzvah...). Point is, I'm quite the stingy old guy. For example, I haven't paid for gas in like a month. I just drive around until I'm pretty much out of gas, then not drive for awhile. Eventually, my dad will notice that my car has no gas, and go fill up. I've also become one of those people who order water at McDonald's and get pop instead. And I always do my hardest to subtle (well, sometimes not so subtley) hint that my friends should treat me. Hey, judge if you will, it pays to be tight-fisted. I find at least I have suffiencient funs to have a good time over this summer. It works.

Oh yeah, who would not scream if they walked into a room to find Michael Moore putting on a pair of latex gloves? I'd rather be in an elevator with a naked Borat.

L'Chiam!

Barry

SONG OF THE WEEK

MR. NOVEMBER

by THE NATIONAL

They played this at Bonnaroo, and everyone was all yelly when the chorus came, but I had no clue what was being said. Now I realize it revolves around the F word. Go out and download.

More Stuff.

So this week I have been pretty busy, and I'm kinda tired, so I'll go through the reader's digest version.

Wednesday-Thursday: Port Clinton cottage. Erik's birthday. Lots of alcohol. Lake Erie. Pontoon Boat. Fun. Fun. Fun.

Friday-Saturday: Grayling, MI with fam and Drew. Four hour drive. Four hour canoe down Au Sable River. Caught a really big crayfish and impressed a bunch of small children. Capsized kayak, but survived (blaming other guy).

BONNAROO PICTURAMA: Click the link, fool.

http://luc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2068681&l=4bffa&id=20012412

I'll be more specific when I wanna,
Barry.

The Current Fantasy

So, there has been a plan among my friends to go to the Pitchfork Music Festival in Union Park, in the great American city of Chicago. It's a bit of an Indie jack-off festival, and it seems like it would be a lot of fun. Unfortunately for me, because of my limited finicial abilities (aka my life as a bum), I waited and waited to buy the two day pass ($35) not to mention the Megabus tickets ($50 some-odd dollars). Now the passes are sold out. I'm comfronted with a none-so-pleasent situation. Buy the rip-off one-day pass and the rip-off bus ticket, or maybe not...that is one of the weekends where I get hella cheap Cedar Point tickets.

Not gonna lie, I think I'm going to pass on the Chicago trip. I don't have the money to blow on bands I don't really know, but the real bummer is that I would miss out on seeing my Chicago homies and giving a grand tour of what has basically became my city to my friends. It really sucks.

However, I have new schemes. Although I didn't think I could do it, I think I might be Lollapalooza bound. Who's freakin with me? I think I can get cheaper tix on craigslist (if anyone out there wants to sell me there pass for $125, shoot me an e-mail). Then maybe I can see all my Chicago buds before school starts three weeks later....wahoo.

And that's not to mention my big plan for the summer: *angel noise* CANADA TRIP *angel noise* Getting drunk at 9 AM over a four day weekend in Toronto. That's my one travel goal for the summer, and nothing, save for God or sexy time with Rachel McAdams, is going to get in my way.

Thanks for letting me think aloud, except for in silence, to you, who might not exist,
Barry

Excitement, etc.

Here in Toledo, there really isn't a whole lot to get excited about. So when something like a new bridge opens, people like me get up at 6 AM to walk across it. Yes, the brilliant I-280 bridge finally opened after a few years of construction and lots of boo-hooing by drivers trying to get to East Toledo. At least the nimrods running the city have completed something. And I was one of the first few to gallavant across it.

Here are some photos documenting my adventure:



We were really excited for that early in the morning.



The bridge.



Me...on the bridge.



The view from the bridge (isn't that a song?)



Shout out to Oregon City School buses for providing a free shuttle service. Wouldn't have gotten there without ya! Props.



I thought this was kinda arty.



That is all.



Yeah, fun times had by all. Afterwards, I slept for a few hours, and then painted this lady's garage for fifty bucks. Then I had to shower off all the paint I spilled on my clothes and my face. Then a few grad parties to round off the weekend. Hooray for free food!!

My parents also bought a trampoline. Now, the last trampoline we had was from the deadbeats whom we bought this house from. Apparently, they didn't have the space at their new place, so they figured they might as well leave the trampoline at their old house. It was cool for me, it's how I made friends. However, my parents thought that neighborhood kids would jump around when we weren't home, get seriously injured, and sue us for everything.

They no longer hold that belief, since they just got one. I get tired of trampolining in a short amount of time, but I still kinda wish they would've gotten one while I was still living here year-round. It coulda been crucial in the meeting chicks area.

In a twisted turn of events, though, I think I might have broken my toe on a friend's trampoline. You can never win.

Over and out,
The Barry

SONG OF THE WEEK

ARMY by BEN FOLDS FIVE
This was the song that inspired the Barry Summer 2007 Compilation.
The track listing will be up soon.

Sand Wedge

Today I spent the majority of my waking hours golfing. Dan, Erik, and myself decided to go to the run-down-and-bee-infested-yet-cheap golf course about a mile from my house. Yes, still safely in the middle of nowhere.

This course is actually where I had my first job back the summer before sophomore year of high school. Probably the worst job I ever had. The owner, Joe Paradise (ironic), is a total douche. I could go on for a really long time, but I won't.

Anyway, the golfing was...less than professional. I haven't golfed in about a year, and I suck. I'll be honest. And it started to rain halfway through, but we didn't let that stop us. Nosiree. At about the 13th hole, I started thinking "Gas stations make more money on bottled water than on gasoline. Maybe I should open up a bottled water store." Then we went to McDonald's.

No word yet on my latest round of applications. I'm calling Gino's tomorrow and telling 'em what's up.

Ever notice how the guide on the TV says Aqua Teen Hunger Force is about food that saves the planet but that could not be further than the truth?,
Barry

The Smoothie Days

I think that's what I'll remember this beginning of summer 2007. My mom purchased a blender recently, and so I have been going bananas over smoothies (bad pun intended). Today I made one out of orange juice, milk, and this strawberry keifer stuff that is supposedly the secret to immortality. I call it "Strawberry Sunshine." Wasn't that good, give like a 84%.

I've been pretty blown away from Bonnaroo, trying to recollect myself. It was an intense ride. The whole 525 acre field reeked of pot smoke for four days straight. And the music was amazing. Tool, Franz Ferdinand, Regina Spektor, the FREAKIN POLICE!!, Brazilian Girls, and then there was Flaming Lips. Holy crap.

They entered and left on a giant spaceship, and the crowd was filled with giant balloons and confetti and a giant guy made of glowstiks...and there isn't really any way to describe it. The closest experience I could liken it to is entering Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. It was mind-blowing. You'll have to see the pictures.

Unfortunately, Bonnaroo has broke the Barry (but my alliteration is still kicking). I got an interview at Gino's Pizza, so maybe soon I'll be a delivery person. We shall see. Hopefully I can raise something before golf on Thursday morning.

Strawberry Sunshine,
Barry

SONG OF THE WEEK
I HEARD THEM ALL
OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW
I saw these guys at the 'roo, and this is their best song.
It's all country-westerny and really brings out the inner
hillbilly in me.

Bonnaroo Hulabaloo

Just got back from Bonnaroo.

Took my first shower in five days. Ohhhhhhhhh. yeah. Yum.

The Flaming Lips performance there is in my top ten life experiences I have experienced in these 19 years. Life-changing.

Pictures to follow.

Much love,
Barry

Bonnaroo Bound

Mmmm, alliteration. Yeah, the internet at my house has been PMSy, and it takes a lot of coaxing and good chi to get it to work. Luckily, I have lots of both.

Today Evan, Dave, and Barry (that's me) went to WalMart (booo) and bought the food for Bonnaroo, which I leave for Wednesday. That's two days from today. Crazy thoughts. I have a good feeling that everything will be pretty tight, and there will be much rocking out. I even set up my tent stuff to make sure they won't explode when we get there. Truthfully, the only thing that really worries me, and it worries me a lot, is the fact that I won't be able to take a shower for about six days or so. Ewwww. I will be wearing a lot of hats.

I got really drunk last night, and it was really cool, because that hasn't happened in way too long.

And this job thing is getting pretty depressing. I called back Starbucks and all the restaurants, and Starbucks said that though they were real interested, and honestly, who wouldn't be? However, by the time I would be all trained I would be gone. I think maybe my best bet would be just to work small one-time gigs until I go back to Chicago. And, Anonymous, I just looked on Facebook Marketplace, and there are some interesting things posted that I might follow up on. We shall see. I just spend so much freakin money, and there isn't enough coming in steadily.

Change is hard to do, though.

Be pumped for Bonnaroo!

-Barry

SONG OF THE WEEK

WOKE UP THIS MORNING
BY i don't know, but the theme song from the Sopranos.
Boo hoo, the series is over.
My heart breaks with you, America.

Unemployment Thoughts

I have yet to hear from Starbucks. I think I'll call them today to see what is up. I have no good feelings about this. Life goes on.

I really need to find a job like real soon. I talked to Jeff at my old job at Presidents, and there might be some openings for me to work in July and August, but nothing really permanent and nothing really immediate. I think I might go find more applications and turn them in today. It's not even the money really (who am I kidding, of course it is), but I just have all this darn time on my hands, and nothing to do. It sucks hardcore.
Actually, I'm considering getting money illegally, but I don't know what to do. If you, reader, have any ideas, other than prostitution or dealing, please let me know. I'm pretty desperate.

And I'm looking more and more like a bum since I haven't shaved in like two weeks.

If only I could kill myself, collect the insurance money, and then resurrect like Jesus.

-Barry

SONG O' THE WEEK:
DIABLO ROJO
BY RODRIGO Y GABREILA
Mexican acousticness to the max. Get it.
And I'm seeing these fools at Bonnaroo.

Golddigging With Guns

Yeah, so I stayed up all of last night and this is what I came up with. It's my first completed attempt at a mashup.

Songs include:
Nine Inch Nails: "The Good Soldier"
Gorillaz: "Kids With Guns"
Kanye West: "Golddigger"

Download it here:

http://www.divshare.com/download/814132-08a

Yes, now I sorta kinda am officially a DJ.

Suck on that.

Barry

The Columbus Adventures

Because I am a slave to the capitalist system, I decided I needed some money. Fortunately, my Aunt Mary said I could come down to Columbus, Ohio and help her with crap. So I did. And here I am.









Basically, I spent all day pulling weeds and hedging stuff. She has some cool gardening technology, so it's not that bad. She has this electric clipper that cuts through bushes like they're Elisabeth Hasselbeck and I'm Rosie O'Donnell (except I don't lose my job after cutting them down, and I'm also not a fat lesbian). I get to be a bit creative in how big of a rounded , massacred heap of stems I make the bushes. She also has this dig-it thing that connects to the hose, and basically makes muddy holes in the ground by spitting water at them.

What has this blog come to? I'm talking about gardening tools. I am pathetic.

But not quite. I was able to get in contact with some of my OSU contacts, and met up with them. I've never been to OSU's campus, and to be perfectly honest (would you expect anything less), I was not real impressed. The dorms do not even have carpet. They actually bring in their own carpet to put in. That totally blew my mind. We played pool at the crappy rec room, and then had a burrito at the crappy burrito eat-place. The burrito wasn't as crappy as it could have been, and it was free...We reminisced on old times, which consisted mostly of him hitting me in the face....hmmm, I'm not sure why I still consider him my friend...

Tomorrow I go to the plant store and buy plants to plant. Then I might "hit the town" as they say with some other friends who happen to be here. I guess this trip wasn't a total bust.

In other news: The Barry bought his Bonnaroo tickets today. Shake his hand next time you see him.

Love and happiness,
Barry

Ikea: Reflections

Yesterday I went up to the lovely Ikea in scenic Canton, Michigan. I'm not gonna lie, those Swedes really know how to design some kicking furniture. As I type this, my butt is enjoying the comfort and versatality of an Ikea office chair, while my clothes sleep soundly in my new gigantic (no I'm not compensating for anything, douche) dresser. It's almost as big as I am.

I also got this rug, some frames, and I tried Linginberry juice. I was hoping all of the employees would speak like the Swedish chef, but no such luck. I'm still gonna make at least one more trip out there so I can get stuff to "pimp" out my sophomore dormroom. If you're reading this Fransico, get ready. I got plans.

Tomorrow I head down early to Columbus. I'm helping my aunt with stuff so I can get mad cash, which I need like an Ethopian needs rice. Also, her devil cat recently died, and I'm a little afraid the place might be haunted. This is the cat that viciously attacked a young Barry as he was gently playing by himself on the floor. That was one time; the late Abigail has ambushed me many times over the past 15 years. But who's laughing now [laughs]. See you in cat hell! Scratch this.





SONG OF THE WEEK:
See? It's a series. Now there are two of 'em.
SONG FOR MAY 27th:
WAR OF CONFUSION
THE KLEPTONES
So, I've gotten into this mashing thing, where a DJ takes two different songs and smashes them together, usually to finger-snappin' enjoyment. On this website, you can download the Kleptones' whole "24 Hours" album, but prolly the best track is Disk 1, Track 15. It's a mash of Genesis' "Land of Confusion," the "War. Uhh, what is it good for? (say it again)" and some interesting vocal additions. Actually, the whole CD is good, and it is free. Just right click a track and select "Save Target As" and enjoy. Mmmm. Free music.
http://www.kleptones.com/pages/downloads_24h.html

No Sleep...till Columbus,
Barry

Shivering timbers

So, like a comformist fool, I went and saw "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" tonight. Three hours long.

Feelings: Orlando Bloom sucks. I've come around to really like Johnny Depp. Keira Knightly might be the hottest person in the world. Really, the second and third movies should've been stripped down and morphed into one movie.

Go and see it. At least go to go see Keith Richard's Jack Sparrow's father. They look almost exactly alike, except Depp is much, much more attractive. And you will end saying, hey, there honestly were some truly stupid moments. But there is a lot of dudes swinging around on ropes, which seems like it's everybody's method of cross-ship transport. I think in actually more people would end up splattered against the hull. Oh well. And it sets it up for Pirates 4, but I checked the web, and it said that it'll be a few years if that ever comes to fruition. Kick out Orlando Bloom, and everyone would be much happier.

I'm still in love with Keira Knightly, though. She can swash my buckle anytime.

A-hoy!,

Barry

Sussudio: Reflections

I recently had the old Genesis tune "Sussudio" stuck in my head, so I downloaded it, and I'm pretty confused (more than most of the time). First, what does it mean? Is it the girl's name? Is it a pick-up line? The safety word? Personally, I'm heavily leaning towards Voodoo curse. Maybe I should try it once in awhile:

ME: Hey, honey. Let me buy you a drink.
CUTE GIRL: Uh, no thanks. And please stop grabbing yourself.
ME: HOW DARE YOU!! SUS-SUS-SUSSUDIO!!!
CUTE GIRL: No..gak.......(pause, pause, pause)...wanna go to my place?
ME: Thanks Phil Collins!

Or something like that.

Unrelated, I think something is wrong with my insect screen, because as I speak bugs are swarming me: my skin, my computer, one just flew in my mouth, etc. Occasionally, there is a really big one that makes a lot of noise, which makes me sort of nervous to go to sleep. I am worried I might wake up and be missing arms. Just another hazard-filled country night, I suppose.

Since I haven't been doing to much with my life the past few weeks, I have been doing some thinking (and I kinda learned the Cure's "Lullaby" on guitar. Rock on!). Times are changing here. I'm starting to feel a little alienated in my group of friends here. It's not that I find anything particularly wrong with them, it's just my college friends are a lot different, and to be honest, a lot deeper than most of my friends here. Let me go into something else. So throughout most of high school, the group of people I hung out with most were band people (just get the insults out now, please). Over the summer, I sort was "in between groups." I hung out with a lot of different people, but a lot of my time was spent with a sort of revamped version of our old group, which included a few musical people. Now there was nothing wrong with this, but now that is only group I really hang out with. I guess you could say I feel a little repressed. I always feel a little uncomfortable hanging out, and I don't really know why. I think what might add to it is that almost all the girls we hang out with are dating someone far away, while all the guys, including myself, are single, without many (at least local) perspective girlfriends, which somehow adds this weird tension that I can pick up. There also seems to be this strong notion that this could very well be the last summer we all hang out together. I feel a little like Locke in one of the last episodes of LOST this season (did you see that season finale? It was NUTS!!), as he was informing Sawyer that he wasn't really a part of the beach people or the Others, he said "I'm on my own path now." I think that sort sums up how I kinda feel right now. We'll see, there's still a long summer ahead.

Please don't take this personally at all, this is meant to be an airing of emotions, not an attack of any kind (including you, Genesis).

I really need that Starbucks job.

--B@rry

Simtower: Blessing....or curse?

I discovered my old copy of Simtower tonight. I found it at one in the morning, and it is now 6 AM. I was up all night building a giant computer building and trying to convince my tenants to stay so I can get a higher rating. I got a five star rating now (if any of y'all wanna live somewhere...), and I just need to build it up to 100 stories to get the almighty TOWER rating. The sucky part is that I build like a crazy person, and then people leave because "there isn't an elevator close enough." F you, little simulated whiners. Grow a pair.

You get quite the rush from Simtower. It's like what I picture oxy-coton to be like. Basically, I'm like Donald Trump, but without the bad hair, and then there is the fact that Simbucks aren't worth squat in the un-simulated world.



That's just a taste. I did make my tower the entire width of the screen, which must be like, 80 condos wide. And I stopped at 67 stories, with a population teetering around 10,000. It was a rough last half hour, cause I had like 1000 punks bail on me at once. I was sweating. I also started totally disregarding the look of the building, and placed elevators wherever there was room, and had a floor of movie theatres (showing simulated classics like "Last Christmas," "Man in a War," and "Planet Woka"). My head is swimming.

On the other hand, carpel tunnel would really suck.

--Barry, Professional (simulated) Real Estate Developer

Manic Monday

I hate the fact that my laptop screen has little dirt marks on it, and those marks, if in just the right spot, make periods look like commas, which really tickles my fancy. In a bad way. And I can't just wash off my laptop in the bathtub. That wouldn't be no good for nobody.

Tomorrow morning I have to get all ready for an interview at Starbucks. You could say a lot is riding on this. And I hear, if hired, I recieve a pound of free coffee per week. Huzzah! Fortunately, my charisma is the one thing I can rely on. And my hipness quotient will be increased exponentially if I get the job, I reckon.

This weekend was an alright time. In gearing up for 28 Weeks Later, I came up with an idea of prequel catch-up night funtime!!! where we viewed 28 Days Later on a friend's huge screen (I said I would find a copy of the movie, not actually allow people into my house). We basked in 28 Days' freaky zombies-on-cocaine glory. I do like that movie. The zombies are all fast and spastic-moving, so everyone has to run really, really fast. And then people re-animate in like 10 seconds, which means you have to bash your best bud in the face right away, before s/he can say, "Wait, he bit my cricket bat, not me."

Friday we chilled, played a game of Kings with retarded rules that I have never played with before. Not gonna lie, back in Chicago we played a game with a bunch of goofy rules, and then the guy with the last king was totally screwed. Here we played some pussy version where the loser just had to finish one can of beer, as opposed to chugging a large glass where the amount of beer was decided by the other guys who got the three previous kings (and occasionally someone would pour in a sick peach energy drink to really screw with your head). Not gonna lie, I was getting pretty pissed at everyone for not following the true rules. That night wasn't as fun as I thought it was gonna be, not gonna lie. People were getting kinda hostile, and that was making me all hostile, and that's bad for my chi. C'mon.

Saturday we ended up seeing a matinee of 28 Weeks Later, and I actually kinda liked the sequel. It had the crazy dude from Trainspotting, and still had plenty of schizo-zombies that made weird hand gestures as they chased down their prey. It also featured a helicopter piloted by the black dude from Lost chopping apart zombies (which, actually, I had already seen in Grindhouse. C'mon guys). It actually had some of the creepiest scenes I have ever seen. Picture navigating a pitch dark subway station using only the nightvision scope on a rifle. Whoa, dude.

Today went pretty well, lunch at this Chowder place in Waterville, which was filled with conversation regarding penis peircing (always classy). They had these sweet potato chip things that were covered with, get this, cinnamon. New addition to Barry's Stuff to Do Before Barry Dies: Figure out how to make these. We then walked all the food off at Sidecut Metro, and made multiple jokes about tufted titmice (hahahaha, dirty bird).

And then tomorrow I want to sell some old sport crap I found in my closet and get that Bucks job (see! I already know the lingo!). Good times.







New segment of this blog: SONG OF THE WEEK!!!!!
Week of May 20 [Drumroll]:
"ALFIE" by Lily Allen
British chick, upbeat song about slacker lil bro.
Video features puppet birds smoking joints.
Includes funny British words: Twat, computer pronounced "compewer", fi-id cap
Look it UP!!!!

Don't despair,
-Barry

Counting Flowers on the Wall

I have been home for a week and a day on this day.

I'm bored as f**k.

Plus, I'm really hungry, cause I'm dieting hardcore now. Ughhh.

Sorry, guys, I haven't been really good with posting. I've been to busy sleeping and thinking about cake.

I had to totally rearrange my room to fit all the new crap I got while in Chicago while rediscovering old crap. Then I've been job searching. And searching. I've put in like 7 applications, but haven't been called back for any. Even though it's only been like 6 days, it feels more like 6...years. Fortunately, I went into Starbucks and asked on the "status of my application," and the chick said I have an interview on Monday. Yes, I might become "Barry the Barista." It fits so well, they should give me the job on the spot.

Until then, it's lots of hummus and Adult Swim. Actually, my dad was featured at the Toledo Museum of Art, and I'm seeing the painting for the first time at the opening tonight. It's a painting of boots. Sounds exciting. I'm actually pretty intrigued to see how well he does.

Click here to download Madonna's newest single for free!!!!--http://liveearth.msn.com/green/Madonnadownload it's "meehhh, kinda acousticy."

Ho-hum,
barry

Just like Michael Buble says...

In around an hour, I should be headed home from here. Wow. It's been a trip.

It's still hitting me that I'm actually done with my freshman year. That rocks. So much.

I really need to bring more boxes--I had a really hard time packing up everything. And the fact that I didn't sleep at all last night didn't help. I hope I still don't have a blood alcohol level. That would suck. Good times.

See you in hell, Mertz.

Summer, meet Barry.

Freshman Year: Complete

A slight few minutes ago, I finished the last scholastic assignment of my freshman year of college. A philosophy paper that I started 12 hours ago (but I did see Spidey Tres in the middle of it).

To be honest, I can't really believe it is over. It has been of year of self-discovery and fun and pain and alright music.

Five things I've learn:

*Accepting the invitation of a 30-year-old dude to go over to his house is totally cool as long as you get free alcohol out it

*Don't call Southerners out on incest (especially if you are drunk and they are not)

*Don't attempt to traverse Minnesota in the middle of March

*Get creative in the dining hall (i.e. orange juice and Sprite)

*Sheets too small for your bed really suck

Yes, it's been a year of love, learning, and Lakeshore Dining. Good times. Good times for all.

Goodbye school, hello summer,

Barry. Is Outta Her.

P.S. I think this is a fitting photo to remember this last semester of freshman year by. I think it says, "Look at me, I have vampire incisors and I'm from Ireland (except not really)." Enjoy it, suckas:

Almost Home

Late Wednesday night I finished what could be the biggest school project I have ever done ever. I had to build this miniture set with tiny paper furniture for the play "No Exit." It's about hell, and by a Frenchman. This is what it looked like:

Yeah, I spent at least seven hours straight in Mundelien working on this crap. The day of the presentation, the costume designer here sat in. I went first, and she throughly thrashed my concept. Luckily, she did that to everyone else, too. There was a point where everyone just stopped trying to defend their idea and just took it right in the face. I fared better than some.

Life goes on. I wanted to not do any laundry for the rest of the year, but my boxers ran out. C'est la vie, as someone says. I gotta get to that.

One five page paper away from Michigan,

Barry "Jean-Paul" Eitel

OPENING NIGHT, Kant, and homophobia

Yeah, it's been a few days since my last post. Deal with it. I've had so much freakin' crap going on...let me just say I'm glad our windows are jump-outable-proof.

Tonight was opening night for ICARUS' MOTHER!!! It's the show I've been ASMing for like the last month. It's been a pretty great experience, and I think it's basically because I'm the cast's darling. Actually, I've been decently involved in many different aspects of everything, and it's been pretty cool. Plus, I feel partially responsible for not allowing our director jump out of a two-story window one night when he was drunk. If you can come and see Icky's Mom?!, you def should. See it twice. It is..mind..blowing. 'Nuff said.

I'm so glad I got to see tonight. Due Wednesday for Barry: huge, in-depth character analysis of my final character in Acting, 7-page paper on Modern philosophy, and all of my sketches for Intro to Design, which I found out were actually due Monday. Last night was intense. Just like camping [ba-da boom]. But I'm done.

Let me relate a funny story. Monday after lunch, me and my bud Genovese go walking back from Simpson to Mertz. At the corner of Sheridan and Winthrop, there is this cute ol' man in long socks and a goofy hat passing out flyers. He thrusts one to us, and we start reading. It's this long rant against homosexuals, including scientific research that says that lesbians are more susceptable to breast cancer. I can't argue with science, and these guys have a geocities website, so it's pretty legit. As we're discovering the true meaning of this flyer, a group of guys representing the gay club on campus rush past us with a poster.

Not needing to exchange words, Chris and myself charge back to the intersection. This is the scene we see: the old dude, in his hat and socks, debating his argument with some gay dude who is burning the flyer in front of him, and a Mexican dude selling ice cream from a cart in the background. It was beyond hilarious. I was hoping we'd see a grandpa/gay fight, but no such luck. And I didn't have enough money for ice cream. Alas, such is life.

I stood there taking camera-phone pictures, and everytime I flip open my phone, I smile.

Icky's Mom?! (love it, live it),
Barry

I know you want what's on my mind...I know you'd like what's on my mind...

For the last four days, I have been on this intense Stone Temple Pilot kick. It's pretty hard to shake. I just found a bunch of their songs on mytunes, and I can't get them outta my head. Yes, I've already tried hitting myself.

Other than that, the past few days have been somewhat uneventful. Lots of rehearsal, and lots of crap for school. I have to finish a model, sketches, an acting journal, a review, two philosophy papers, and a two page paper on "what culture is" (okay, maybe it's all not that hard). Then I'm outta here. Sinara, Loyola, for a few months.

I did finish a short screenplay for my Jesus Christ class. It's an adaptation of "The Grand Inquisitor" from the Doesvoetsky novel "The Brothers Karamazov." Now that I look back, it's actually the first screenplay I've ever really finished. Huh.

But yeah. I'm facing the intense rush of crap before the light can break through. I'm gonna go get my sword.

Tuesday, shoot me in the head (another lyric, not directions),
--Barry

It's blood...

Tonight I had one of the greatest cinematic experiences I ever had--GRINDHOUSE. Although the movie is already in freakin 10th place after one weekend and clocks over 3 hours, it's still ridic intense.

From the beginning, with starts out with a faux trailer for "Machete," which features Cheech Marin as a shotgun-wielding priest. "Planet Terror" starts, a crazy zombie movie featuring barbeque, that guy from Lost, and Rose McGowin with a machine gun as a leg. IT'S NUTS!! Everything is scratchy and there are whole "reels" missing for effect. It's crazy fun.

Then there are some made up trailers, my favorite being "Werewolf Women of the S.S." Next is Tarantino's car-slasher flick "Death Proof," which totally shifts gears from "Planet Terror"...no pun intended. Like everything else Tarantino, it's all dialouge based, and can lag in energy a bit. There are some cool sequences involving chicks' faces being ran over. Worth a look.

In the end, "Planet Terror" is bunches better than "Death Proof." It just is.

A note: See this movie in a crappy theater. Me and a few companions (I don't give a f**k about grammar) saw it at our local $5 ghettoplex, and it was great. See it with people too. By themselves, the movies ain't so great. It's the experience, man. Do it to it.

I wish I got a lap dance from Rose McGowin,

-The Barry

Soxy Back

Today I went to my first White Sox game at U.S. Cellular Field. I decided they are the team I'm gonna get into. They have a cooler name than "Cubs," and they are generally "better" than the Mudhens.

It was against the Twins, and we won 3-0. However, it was frigid. April 7, and the temp is like 20 degrees. I thought my left index finger was going to come off. I mean, it was really nuts. I expected warmness and little birds and happy people, and all I got was cold. But the el was running pretty fast, and it was warm.

Later I went to the Ghettoplex to see "Blades of Glory," that new one with Jon Heder and Will Ferrel and Jenna Fischer (She's in some great outfits in the movie; see her naked below. Hooray!). It wasn't bad. Not as instantably quotable as Anchorman, nor as annoyingly random. My mom has made me watched figure skating since I was born, so I have a good amount of respect for the sport (alright, take your gay shots). Considering I really don't feel there are any real great figure skating movies, I liked this one. And I'm happy to see Heder do something positive with his life since Napolean Dynamite. In the end, I'd recommend it. Finally, I can associate the song "I Don't Wanna Close My Eyes" or what-the-f-ever by Aerosmith with a movie other than Armageddon. That is the movie's real redeeming quality.

The night is a dark time for me,
-Barrelface

The Man-in-the-woods Retreat 2007

It's been a whacky Easter break so far.

After Icarus' Mother rehearsal on Thursday, five dudes went back to one guy's house to watch Borat, and drink two bottles of Barcardi. We did lots of shots, to lots of causes: Luke Wilson, fathers, driving, etc. We ran out pretty quick, so we headed off to the liquor store (taking a brief detour to the ghettoplex and very loudly prasing Grindhouse, which I hope to see tonight).

I was pretty hungry, so I picked up some crunchy peanut butter, which was a divine idea. We walked back to the house, taking long swigs of rum and talking about love.

Then the real fun started. We finished that last bottle real quick, and then the neighbor knocked on the door and threatened to call 5-o, so we decided it would be in our best interest to keep it down. Then some stuff happened, somebody grabbed a kitchen knife, and blood was spilt. He had cut himself on the shoulder, and this set off an avalanche. One dude broke down crying, getting snot all over his mustache. A few minutes later, another guy started to cry too, I think mostly because other people were crying and he was picking up on that energy. The kid who cut himself tried consoling the first dude, but ended up breaking down himself. It was up to me and one other guy to console these three bawling grown men. I was going up to everyone and was like, "Have some peanut butter, man, just take some." I was really worried about the cut on the one's arm. They had next to no first aid supplies, save for some small bandages I found in somebody's room. I put the bandage on, and then had to use Scotch tape to attach it, which ended up leaving huge marks. After about an hour of crying, everyone was good. We hugged, we kissed, and then we went home.

One ka-razy night, I assure you.

Next day, we had rehearsal at 12, and everyone was looking great. Not. The cuts on the arm were a lot deeper than I thought they were last night, and he also had this mysterious gash on his leg. He also hit himself in the eye with a zipper. Looking back now, he's really prone to injuring himself. He was supposed to go to the hospital, although that didn't end up happening, which I think might of been a mistake. We'll see. But, anyway, everyone seemed a lot happier Friday after the breakdowns, and we all had really hearty laughs about everything.

Also, my friend Courtney came up Thursday to view the school. After rehearsal, me, her, and Samira went to the Grand Lux downtown, which is a pretty hip place.

Here's some evidence:

Although the food was good, the real story was the trip back. We took the 30 minute el ride back safe enough. However, we decided to cross the street when it was flashing "DON'T WALK."

Yeah, we shoulda listened. Samira got hit by a car. No joke.

Luckily, she is fine, but the whole thing is nuts. Whoa.

Needless to say, Easter break has been eventful. And I've made good on my Lenten thing to give up soda, but it's getting increasingly harder in these last few days. Mmmmm...

Shoulder to cry on,

-Barry

BARRY'S LIFE FEB-APRIL! PICS! PICS! PICS!

Yesterday I got the powercord to my laptop back, so I can finally leave the computer lab forever and ever.

I promised some pics at some point, so here's a brief visual of what my life has been like the past few months. Hooray.

THE ST. VALENTINE'S DAY BLIZZARD!!!! AHHHHH!!!

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR 8-RIDE VAN ON SPRING BREAK!! INTENSE!!

WHERE WE ENDED UP!! THE EARTH IS SOOOO RICH A CITY GROWS!

THE TWIN CITIES!!! THE TWO MOST EXTREME CITY EVER!!!

ME SCREWING UP A PEPPERMINT PATTY AT BGSU AFTER SJJ'S "CHILDREN OF EDEN"!! IT GOT ON MY SWEATER!!!!!


AHHHH!! I'M YELLING!!!
--BARRRRYYYYY!!!!

Barry, Trip-sitter

Last night was interesting.

First was a pretty intense Icarus' Mother rehearsal, which included crying and long conversation about urinating into my open wounds, a concept that I vehemently protested. I didn't sign up for that crap.

Afterwards, we went over to the usual Theater party central. I have to tell you, I feel sorry for the four seniors that live there. There are random people there pretty much every single night. I think I would start throwing stuff if I lived there. Everyone uses their cups and drinks their booze and plays their Wii, it would suck after awhile. Oh well, at least they can't say they can get bored. And I've severely pissed off the proprietors of that household on a few locations, but I think they are cool with me now, sorta.

Anyway, while we there, three of my friends drank vials of synthetic mescaline that they bought earlier. I didn't have any, and didn't realize they were tripping until I noticed their pupils were the size of dinner plates. We walked around outside and played out on the beach. One of my friends, Chris, decided he wanted to walk around the streets, so I thought I should look after him. We had a long talk about life, acting, dream girls, and clouds. It was semi-insightful. We'll have to do it again sometime. Or maybe not. I thought they might jump over the pier and into the lake. Uh-oh.

We went back to the Theater apartment, drank, and then walked around campus. I figured I might as well leave now. And so I did. There it is. Life.

Dude,
Barry

Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay

Earlier today, I watched a sheep sacrifice in my anthropology class. That's an image that is going to linger.

Here is my latest journalistic exploit, a review of this spankin'-new funky-weird acid jazz CD by Steve Reid and Karin Hebden. Thought I'd key you in.

LINK!!!
http://media.www.loyolaphoenix.com/media/storage/paper673/news/2007/03/28/Diversions/Hebden.Reid.This.Duo.Speaks.In.tongues-2808118.shtml


Huzzah! I just got ahold of the newest 'Fountains of Wayne' record last night. It's pretty tight.

Peacer,
Barry

Hmm. Radical Transparency. Yes.

Yesterday I went out and bought the most recent edition of 'Wired' magazine. Why? The cover story is about "Radical Transparency", a spankin'-new evolving business theory which is near and dear to my heart.

Not.

However, the cover features Jenna Fischer (Pam from 'The Office') naked. Pretty cool. I thought I would get it for my "Office" memorabilia collection. Again, this is strictly for the historical record and not for my own enjoyment. Yeah, I spent 5 dollars. I'll put them up here for free for you guys. Douchebags.

Here's what the cover looks like from the newstand:



Here's what you get underneath the plastic transparency thing:

It's like a magic trick, only naked!


Oh yeah, this is from the actual article:



Although you could get into a big feminist tirade about how a woman who plays a receptionist should not be naked on the cover of a business magazine, I still kinda like it. I'll save arguing morals for people who can buy expensive porn.

Thought you should know,
Biz-arry.

Icky's Mom Has Got it Goin On

Can I just put something out there? I love ellipses. A lot. I was just thinking about it, and I wanted to pluck it out of my brain and put it on earth as a memorial to me. Thank you.

Anyway, it's been awhile. How's you? Better question: Who cares?

Seriously, though, I've been pretty good. I sincerely apologize for not letting you into my life the past few days. I promise to make it better.

I'll start kinda at the beginning. The weekend after spring break, I went back to the 419 for SJJ musical, Children of Eden. It was a crazy experience being in the audience instead of on-stage, and brought up more than a little nostalgia. Anyway, the production was pretty good. The set was so so, and after having even only a semester's worth of collegiate theatre experience, I can tell you most of the acting was close to atrocious. However, for a high school production, it was swell. I was pretty impressed. Afterwards, I went to BG and got smashed. Totally. I threw up a bucketload (read that "three bucketloads"), which has never happened to me before. Apparently, I passed out, but I'm skeptical because I clearly remember getting into the bed where I woke up. The only evidence to the contrary are little photo comments on facebook. Overall, though, it wasn't my best night. And now I'm a little wary of my first love, hard alcohol. I should maybe slow down anyway, considering I drink close to every night now (don't make any judgment calls yet, Billy Graham, I rarely get truly smashed). We all need to be addicted to something, right? Am I right?

If I am an alcoholic, I'm at least a productive one. Right now I'm Assistant Stage Manager for our production of "Icarus' Mother," this bizarre little play by Sam Shepard. We started rehearsal last Tuesday, and this probably the most fun production I've ever been a part of. The director, one Mike Fagin, is close to the most passionate person I've come across, and rehearsals are like cool fun times (a little ambiguous, I know). There is somewhat of a tension, though, because the SM and myself aren't really sure if we are going to hit certain marks on time. However, I think (or at least would like to believe) there is some method to his madness and everything will end well. We shall see. This takes me to the end of the school year, so I'll be talking about it a lot.

Last night, Mira and myself went downtown without much of a plan. I thought it'd be good if we actually went somewhere, because we hadn't been on a true date since early February. Anyway, we ended up going to the Devon Seafood Restaurant place on Chicago, which is incredibly good. It's also ridiculously expensive, if you get entrees. However, if you can withstand looks from the waitress, the appetizers are more than filling.

After that, we tried going to the John Hancock building wit it's fancy outdoor viewing deck, but were accosted by the guy selling tickets because the visibility was so bad. "I cannot believe that someone would spend $20 on going up when the visibility is 0 to 4 miles." He was pissed. I was convinced. So we ended up going to the Ghiradelli store (screw you, Italy and your hard to spell names), which was a good choice. This is because the group next had a bet going that this one guy could not eat the "EARTHQUAKE" in under 4 minutes. Let me explain. The "EARTHQUAKE" is this giant, 15 scoop ice cream platter-o-rama costing over $24. He didn't get under 4, but was done in under 20 minutes, without even vomiting. It was riveting. The highlight of the evening, pretty much. If only that could happen every day.

Then we went back to this one girl's dorm and had some nasty Margaritas. If there is one thing I hate more than contemporary Christian rock, it's crappy tequila. We started to watch High Fidelity, a Chicago classic that I have yet to see, but everyone was about to fall asleep besides the Barry, and so they stopped the movie before it was finished. I was bummed. C'est la vie, as someone says.

On a sidenote, I've noticed that I've had some pretty close to perfect days so far this spring. Like the one day it was gorgeous outside and there was free sushi in Rambler Room, or last night when we watched the guy engorge on ice cream. I think, just maybe, the universe is pleased with me. Hopefully this lasts for awhile.

Anyway, in celebration of so many good times thus far, I present you with this. Enjoy.


--Barry. Outtie.

Sodom and Gomorrah

This is what I'm talking about.

Spring Break '07 (aka This is Blue Earth) Pt. 3: Alone in the Big City

Well, sort of.

We got back Tuesday night, and it struck me that I was the only human being on my floor. Mertz was dead for a week. I could listen to music loud, throw stuff in the hallways, maybe walk around in a dress, it was my week. However, I spent a lot of it over at the skanky house of a theater friend, where there was quite a bit of boozing and...enlightenment.

Wednesday I decided to finally go out and see the Shedd Aquarium, which has been one of my goals since coming to Chicago. Let me tell you, it's freaking amazing. I think I might even become a member. If you ever come over, I'll take you around. Then I came back and saw "Zodiac," which I strongly recommend. I was bummed out that the killing ended within the first half-hour, but how can anybody not like Robert Downy, Jr. Compared to the "Unsolved Mysteries" Zodiac killer reenactments I've seen, this movie was bomb diggity.

Thursday I tried out the Merchandise Mart, which turned out to be mostly boring office buildings. I did try Jamba Juice for the first time, and now I know what happiness tastes like. I also went, on suggestion of my mother, to the Lincoln Park Zoo. It is free; that is cool. It reminds me of the Toledo Zoo back in the day, when we thought animals couldn't be happier walking back and forth in steel cages. It had a really vintage feel, and a really zoo smell.

Then I saw the midnight showing of 300, which is definitely awesome. I don't think it's the best movie ever, but it definitely was fun. And no, my first thought after seeing it was NOT "Wow, those guys were ripped." Although they were. My favorite part was probably these grenade launching magicians with long, silver-chain beards. They tickled me.

Friday I helped out at a homeless shelter with my Blue Earth buddies, and then kicked it with them. Saturday we went to a Pow Wow at Joliet Junior College. Not gonna lie, it was a little on the janky side. But I did get to try Indian tacos. And today I just got an e-mail saying that they are going to redo the trips in May. I think this story might have a happy ending after all.


Tomorrow I wake up early and Megabus it back east. I am seeing my high school's musical, "Children of Eden." We'll see how this goes; maybe I can finally show up Damian with my college theater experience. And, while I'm speaking about random crap, wasn't the weather beautiful Wednesday? Everyone was happy and dancing and laughing. We ended up throwing sand at each other on the beach. It got in my mouth. Not cool.

I swear, I'll have pictures up soon. Stop crying.

Killer with the beat I know killers in the street,
Barry

Spring Break '07 (aka This is Blue Earth) pt. 2: Valley of Darkness

Who doesn't love Psalm references? And today was a beautiful day. A few friends and myself got a little tipsy, went down to the beach, and I ended up with a face full of sand. But I have to finish the story I've started.

So we ended up in Blue Earth, Minnesota.

We stayed at a pretty decent Super 8, had some dinner at Pizza Hut, and basically relaxed. And then we found out that the Patrick, the head guy of the ABIs here was not letting us go any further. No chance. We were staying until Monday, and then driving back home. Now I can understand this course of action for the other group, considering their freakin van flipped, but everyone in our group wanted to go on. We were very disappointed, not even gonna lie. I barely slept that night--I was pretty angry. I have yet to write my strongly worded e-mail, but I might get around to that someday.

Nevertheless, Sunday was a blast. We went to Wal-Mart (boo) and then visited the Jolly Green Giant. We also played around in the giant mounds of snow, and I got really cold and wet. At one point I stepped into snow all the way up to the waist. It was really hard climbing up the snow mountains. I felt like a tortoise that some punk kid put on it's back. At one point I actually was on my back, and couldn't figure out how to get back on my feet. Whatever. It was a "good time" as they say. Then we made dreamcatchers with some stuff we bought at Wal-Mart, which kinda gave the whole thing an Indian feel sort of I guess.

And then we found out some more news. Apparently, the plans had changed. The passengers of the van that flipped had to use Amtrak to get back, and they were going to make everyone in both groups (mind you, we were totally separate groups with totally separate purposes) drive up and stay a night in the Twin Cities (those are Minneapolis and St. Paul, in case you didn't know). Bummer.

So we headed north out of our way two hours bright and early Monday morning to St. Paul. They forgot to mention our hotel was in the hood. Oh well, at least we could go to the Mall of Americas, or the world famous flour museum....psyche. Apparently, those aren't in the ABI spirit, but bowling is. How this was still considered an ABI I'll never really know. Really, I'm not knocking bowling, but I rather sample some of the local flava then do something I could do anywhere. But, everyone found my bowling technique amusing. Very amusing.

At night, our group had a little reflection which consisted of saying something about the trip that made us mad and punching a pinata. Then we played Apples to Apples (or "Ashes to Ashes" as someone kept calling it).

Tuesday we headed home. We missed the SPAM museum. That was a sad part. We arrived in Chicago at 6:30.

Thus concludes Part 2. Coming Soon: SB07 (AKATIBE) Part 3: Alone in the Big City.

Don't let this go to your head,
--Das Barry

Spring Break '07 (aka This is Blue Earth) pt. 1: Humble Beginnings

I've decided to break my story into a few parts this time, because there is a bunch to say. Also, my computer finally came back (rejoice if you must), but, joke's on me, they forgot the power cord [trombone "wah wah wah" noise here]

Anyway, for spring break I was supposed to go to Mission, South Dakota on an Alternative Break Immersion at an Indian Reservation. It was going to be a great time--horse back riding, these yummy food things called Indian tacos, rocks--all that fun stuff.

We never came close.

I woke up at 4:30 AM last Saturday, grabbed my bags, and we left at 5. I decided I would be the "el Navigator" and keep Paul, the trip leader and driver at the time, awake and jolly. We drove through Illinois (I finally saw that "Medieval Times" everyone keeps yelling about) and Wisconsin. That's when we suspected something was going down. The roads were pretty decent, but every few minutes a cluster of cars would be seen that had slid off the road and into giant mounds of snow. They must've been all from last night or something, because nobody was inside and some had police tape around them. "Meh," we thought, "only idiots drive off the road." We couldn't have been more wrong (or right, if you want to be mean about it).

We crossed the giant Mississippi River, which I've never seen, and started into Minnesota. The snow was huge. It wasn't snowing, but the roads were still sort of bad from a few days before. We got about an hour into the state and were looking a place to eat. Supposedly, all ways into SD were closed. Bummer. And then it happened. We were all talking and having a gay ol' time, and then, WHOOPS!, WHAT THE??, WHOA!! We slid off the road and into the snow. Crap. We collected ourselves and then started calling insurance. They were none to helpful, but some guy driving a plow saw us and called a tow truck and the fuzz. And it was freaking cold outside. Anyway, the tow truck came and gave us a "winch" (and I learned a new word), and we were on our way after about an hour. We slowly made our way to the next town, went to Subway, and decided what we should do.

There was another group going to another part of South Dakota. They were going the same way, though, and we thought we'd give them a heads up and see if they wanted to meet us. "Nah," they said, "We're going to the border, at least. We're already ahead of y'all. Blah, blah bl--silence." One of their vans flipped. Someone on one of these trips must've had pretty bad chi...

We decided we were going to stay for the night at the town where we were eating. Where were we?

Blue Earth, Minnesota. Home of the largest Jolly Green Giant statue and the Eskimo pie.

More to come,
Barry

P.S. Never fear, reader, I'll have pictures up soon

Oscar Reflections By Barry

Tonight I went to an Oscar party after striking down the Visit, and we watched the Oscars. I'm not gonna lie, I was throughly impressed. I laughed, some people cried, I learned. But I thought I might as well talk about it.

Amazing. The whole show. Props to you, Oscar people. The focus on "nominees" was a cool idea, and having the dance people dance out the nominees tickled me inside. They made a gun for Departed, a shoe thing for "Devil Wears Prada," and my favorite, the logo from "Snakes on a Plane."

There was also this really cool sound effects choir, which I really want to be a part of someday. They made noises, and yet they made music. Brings a tear to the eye, really.

And Ellen. I really like that Ellen Degen-lesbian person. She is a card. Probably the best host in a few years, not gonna lie.

The actual awards left us sometimes cheering and sometimes going "what? Huh?" Everyone was happy when Scorsese won Best director (wouldn't it've been funny if the "United 93" guy beat him? Am I right?). I mean, this was a monumental year. And then Jennifer Hudson and Alan Arkin for best supporting..who knew? Hudson, holy crap, raised in the Southside of this beautiful Chicago, loses on American Idol, and wins an Oscar. Suck on that, Reuben Studurd. Douche. I was a bit disappointed Wahlburg didn't win, but I guess I'll let that go. I liked Little Miss Sunshine. And then, duh, that GILF Helen won best actress, and that black guy won best actor. Diverse group, no movie dominating. I like that. You can smell the fear.

Best part of the night: Melissa Ethridge taking out three Dreamgirl's songs for Best Original Song. Funny stuff. The only way it could be worse would be if Randy Newman won. And I would stop watching.

Worst part: Jerry Seinfeld sucks. That whole rant about how he should be allowed to litter in movie theaters made me angry for all those hard-working, undereducated movie theater workers. C'mon, Jerry, you have nothing going for you. And Al Gore. Didn't like you at the Grammys, don't like you at the Academy Awards. Why don't you go get fatter? Huh? You hear that?

And best picture: The Departed (say it, De-paw-ted). I was a little taken aback, but I'll take it. I have owned for a few weeks, and I guess we'll have to have a Departy so that everyone can watch it.

Anyway, Marty, if you're reading, Congratulations! And I mean that, from the bottom of my heart. And Helen, if you're not too busy, maybe we can hang out sometime......

--Barry

Sure as a Rock

That's what I said last night in our first show since last week. The line's supposed to be "Firm as a rock," and then later I say "Sure as a gun." The funny thing is that the two girls behind me repeat what I say. So, after I messed up the line, there was a ten second pause where I'm sure they deliberated if they should repeat such a retarded line, and then they did. I have a feeling I'll never live this down. Whatevs, I'll add it to the list.

Other than that, the show went pretty smoothly. I'm hoping tonight will go a lot better, we shall see....and then the 'rents come Saturday. This will be interesting.

After the show, I went over to the Burgo's house and chilled. I watched 'Lost' for the first time since last season, and I had no idea what was going on. I hate shows that confuse me more than I am already. It's not fair.

After Lost, we went back to Zips and started doing a reading of "Arcadia," one of the shows going up in the mainstage next year. I really hope I'm able to get into this one--it'll be pretty cool. The basic premise is that people in present time are trying to figure out what happened 200 years ago, and the play switches between the two periods. Some of it gets incredibly dry, but some is really funny. The reading went pretty well--and there's a bunch of juicy male roles. I'm pumped. Other than that, we're putting up 'Guys and Dolls,' so I'll have to work on my Fugue for Tinhorns. I was in Guys and Dolls once in middle school. I was Harry the Horse, and to answer any questions that are burning in your head, no, I was not an actual horse. I was just some bookie guy. I'm hoping for something better this time around. We're also doing other stuff, but I can't remember what that is. Oh well.

One last thought. Oscars. 2007. What's up with that? Maybe later I'll post my thoughts, but unfortunately I haven't actually seen almost any of the Best Picture noms. I feel like a loser. But I keep my spirits up.

Firm as a gun,
Barry

Opening Weekend Musings

Right now, I'm tip-typing away next to a man with a self-imposed bald spot. He looks like some monk from the Church of Creepers with Mustaches.

He plays the Burgomaster in "The Visit."

Last Friday was our first official show. There was some craziness caused by the fact that one of the cast members (and the girl who's cast as Cinderella for the musical) suffered from a collapsed lung that morning. We were able to cover it, and everything went pretty smoothly. At some point in the first scene, the gloves I carry fell out of my pocket and into the audience, never to be seen again. This apparently severely pissed off one of the ASMs, but I think she already thought I was mildly retarded. For some reason I can never really escape that stigma. Alas, live and let live. Plus, I only have to put up with her crap for another weekend. It's only her too...the other ASM and stage manager are totally cool.

Whatever. I'm not gonna worry about it too much. They had an extra pair of gloves, so it all worked out. And now all I have to look forward is strike.

The process, however, has been great. The cast is bomb diggity, and now I have my foot firmly planted in the door of the Loyola theater fun time group. I get a pretty cool bloody apron as the town butcher/abortionist. And I smoke a bunch of cigarettes. Crazy times. I'm pretty pumped for next weekend, when the fam shows up to see it. You could come too, if you cared at all. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. You have plenty of options. But you're a douche. I see.

Whatevs. It's been a total blast so far, and as my first non-musical stage experience, I say it's a great success.

Over two kilos (that's a quote)--
Barry

A Plug

Last night was opening night for my show, "The Visit," where I star as town butcher/abortionist. It's good time. Here are some dates:

Saturday: 7:30
Sunday: 2:00

Next weekend:
Thursday, Friday, Saturday: 7:30
Sunday: 2:00

Crazy times.

"We may be heathens, but we are not Jews..."
--Barry

FREAKIN SNOW!!!! and a lesson about karma

Today. Was intense. I woke up this morning in a bit of a daze, and said to myself "O Barry, I should sleep now instead of going to my 11:30 class." As always, it was a pretty decent idea, and I didn't really notice the damage that WINTER BLAST 2007 WA-HOO!! left at Chicago until I went to lunch around 1 PM.

It was ca-razy. Snow was piled up in giant mounds everywhere. Little girls were being knocked over by the wind. The snow would whip you in the face no matter which direction you walked, as if saying, "that's right. Take it." At least that's what it said to me.

In it's own way though, it was beautiful. I took some pictures of it while waiting for the El, but I can't put them up because my camera batteries are dead. Sucks for you, I know. The snow always dampens the sound, so where ever you walk it seems as though you're in your own little microcosm. What can I say? I prefer to call myself a romantic, not a weirdo.

And the lesson about karma. Two Thursdays ago I came home to find my computer had slit it's wrists. I sent it to the computer hospital last Tuesday, and happily received back in the mail today. I rushed up to my room (well, not really considering the wind eating my face) and turned that baby on...only to find it has the exact same problem. After exactly five minutes of being on, it turns itself off. I'm getting increasing pissed off as I talk about this. I'm not sure how this is a lesson in karma. I'm pretty much perfect, and I don't know why the universe would be mad at me...however, from now on I'm gonna try to be even more perfect. It'll be tough, but I don't want to be hammering out Blogs in the computer lab where everyone can read them. I guess everyone can read them anyway, considering the nature of blogs...

I found out their was a sale on the Office Season Dos at Borders until Valentine's Day. I made this epic-level journey only to find they had sold out. Don't ask me how, but I ended up buying a M.C. Escher coffee table book and"The Departed" DVD (apparently this is the first day it's out, and it was on sale for like freakin 20 bucks. I rule). Hopefully I can still find that Office Season Two somewhere (Borders has it on sale for $19.99. I want it soooooo bad)...

Happy V -Day!
--Barizzle

P.S. Not Happy VD day. No day with VD is happy.

Snowy Skokie

Last Thursday night, my computer died. Dead. Nada. Kaput. Game over. Do not pass go do not collect $200 dollars.

So I called Tech support, which is always interesting. Everyone there has the thick Indian accent, and I talk funny, so we end up repeating ourselves ad nauseum. Anyway, I was finally able to communicate to my tech support chick that my computer was unfixable by someone as qualified as myself. They promptly sent me a box with the firm instructions to only send it from a Fedex Store, the closest of which is in Skokie.

That was my journey today. The quest to Fedex. It started off innocently enough, me catching all the trains right in the nick of time, not having to wait for anything. I was somehow always afraid of Skokie. It sounded like a place I'd be totally cool with not ever having been to in my life. I mean Skokie, it sounds like some punchline, like Yonkers.

It turned out to be pretty enough. It reminded me of home, since most of everyone I know lives in the Toledo suburbs. Just a bunch of cute little houses huddled in the snow. And I had to trek through a needless block of the snow because I didn't know how to manage the Pace bus. And that's where my trouble began...

Shipping my laptop consisted of me waiting behind two people, both of which got a snappy response from the attendant ("um, it says that my package is here." "Yes, but it won't be available until tomorrow." "So, wait, it's here, but I have to wait a day to get it?" "Yes, sir, that's just how it works. NEXT!") I have expected her to chew me out for having the sticker in the wrong place, but I got finished in roughly two and half seconds.

Then I waited for the bus for 15 minutes. In subzero temperatures. Without gloves.

That wasn't the bad part. The bad part was my Chuck Taylors, which sucked up the water and turned my little piggies into toesicles. I have expected to peel my sock off when I got home and find my foot had been turned black from frostbite. That might not be so good for my career...

However, I wouldn't let my foot take the rest of me down. I walked around a little of downtown Skokie, which consisted of mostly delis (Skokie has always for some reason brought up images of some sort of 'Jewville, USA,' and, like always, I wasn't far off). The food was good, and I left happy.

The real highlight of the trip, though, is that I was able to steal one of the Yellow Line map things. The Yellow Line has two stops...Howard, and Skokie. But for some reason they figured they might as well put up maps. For all those people who felt their intelligence was insulted, I decided to steal one and plus it adds to my collection (I got red, and purple, and that's about it right now).

Alright, well I gotta peace,
B to the arry.

2-4-07

Last night I was assaulted by a naked man.

--BARRY

P.S. Come see the Visit!

P.S.S. Go bears.