Oscar Reflections By Barry

Tonight I went to an Oscar party after striking down the Visit, and we watched the Oscars. I'm not gonna lie, I was throughly impressed. I laughed, some people cried, I learned. But I thought I might as well talk about it.

Amazing. The whole show. Props to you, Oscar people. The focus on "nominees" was a cool idea, and having the dance people dance out the nominees tickled me inside. They made a gun for Departed, a shoe thing for "Devil Wears Prada," and my favorite, the logo from "Snakes on a Plane."

There was also this really cool sound effects choir, which I really want to be a part of someday. They made noises, and yet they made music. Brings a tear to the eye, really.

And Ellen. I really like that Ellen Degen-lesbian person. She is a card. Probably the best host in a few years, not gonna lie.

The actual awards left us sometimes cheering and sometimes going "what? Huh?" Everyone was happy when Scorsese won Best director (wouldn't it've been funny if the "United 93" guy beat him? Am I right?). I mean, this was a monumental year. And then Jennifer Hudson and Alan Arkin for best supporting..who knew? Hudson, holy crap, raised in the Southside of this beautiful Chicago, loses on American Idol, and wins an Oscar. Suck on that, Reuben Studurd. Douche. I was a bit disappointed Wahlburg didn't win, but I guess I'll let that go. I liked Little Miss Sunshine. And then, duh, that GILF Helen won best actress, and that black guy won best actor. Diverse group, no movie dominating. I like that. You can smell the fear.

Best part of the night: Melissa Ethridge taking out three Dreamgirl's songs for Best Original Song. Funny stuff. The only way it could be worse would be if Randy Newman won. And I would stop watching.

Worst part: Jerry Seinfeld sucks. That whole rant about how he should be allowed to litter in movie theaters made me angry for all those hard-working, undereducated movie theater workers. C'mon, Jerry, you have nothing going for you. And Al Gore. Didn't like you at the Grammys, don't like you at the Academy Awards. Why don't you go get fatter? Huh? You hear that?

And best picture: The Departed (say it, De-paw-ted). I was a little taken aback, but I'll take it. I have owned for a few weeks, and I guess we'll have to have a Departy so that everyone can watch it.

Anyway, Marty, if you're reading, Congratulations! And I mean that, from the bottom of my heart. And Helen, if you're not too busy, maybe we can hang out sometime......

--Barry