Sunday, October 29, 2006


Holla for Halloween.

Not really. I never really like Halloween. Surprising as it is, I am in theater and I don't like getting into costumes. Maybe because I can never really think of anything really original, so I don't even try. I just told people I was a douchebag, which is true the other 364 days of the year, too. I mean, yeah, it's cool that all girls are slutty for that one night, but mostly I just feel awkward.

Saturday mid-afternoon I got suckered into going shopping with these three girls, which was a bad choice, and I'm not gonna make that mistake. Talk about awkward.

I have this problem. Everyone thinks I'm gay. I mean, I am in theater, I don't really do sports, I do put some emphasis on appearance, and one of my good friends that goes here is gay. However, I don't fit quite one criterion; I'm not into guys. I noticed this little curse of mine ever since the beginning of this year, and it has just exploded here. Words cannot describe how much this bugs me. People get all offended at the word "nigger" or when I point out some one is Jewish (go figure), but they somehow think they aren't stereotyping when they automatically think some dude likes the cock. What's even worse is when people think they know me better than myself and tell me I'm just not out yet. I just wanna smack a ho when someone tells me that.

Which brings me back. So I went shopping with these girls, and one was dead convinced I was gay (but she was ugly, and not really worth my time, so I can deal with that). After that weird shopping trip, I came back to the room, drank a cold one with my next-door neighbor, who is probably one of the biggest hedonists I've ever met, and then I went to this Halloween party.

What's even goofier is that the girls I went with shopping wouldn't even really talk to me while at the party, and the one chick I was friends with in the first place (as in, I wouldn't even know the others if it wasn't for her) made out with about eight different guys, and I didn't even talk to her. Whatevs, I still pretty pissed at the world. But, on a brighter note, I did dance with a black chick, so I give myself a pat on the back for that (she wasn't even drunk).

I got back to the room, and I've started to be bothered by something else. I feel unaccomplished, even though I'm only 18. What bugs me is that I say I want to screenwrite or direct, and I really have nothing to show for it. Cobain and Tarantino, two little heros of mine, at least had something by my age, but I don't, except for thirty pages of an unfinished script. Everyone around me's perogitive is to get laid. I want to change the world. It's harder than it looks.

This blog is probably the most depressing one I've wrote, but I guess I need to place to vent, cause no one likes to hear whining.

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