Tales from the Junk E-Mail Bin

Occasionally I enjoy checking the junk e-mail folder of my Hotmail account (ahhh_my_hands_on_fire@hotmail.com if you are a hot chick and want to propose).

Today I found a message that seemed to answer every question I ever had.

Subject line:

Re: the problem of year 2008 has been solved!‏

Sender: Some dude named Jared

I opened the message to find that there was no actual message.

Way to go, Jared. You SPAM-tease.

F you,
--Barry

I Fought the Law....

Note to reader: If you are a loyal member of the RIAA, please skip to the next post.

Whew, close call, I know.

Now that the stuff-shirts are looking at the other meaningless stories of some random guy they don't know, I can get to the meaty parts.

Right before winter break, I start getting these e-mails alleging that I, yes, your's truly, illegally downloaded a mp3 of Miss Britney Spears' song, "Gimme More" (slang for Give Me More). Don't make fun, I was looking for the acapella for one of my excellent remixes. I'm serious. Dead. But apparently I downloaded some sorta baited file, and people notified and I was in hot water. Yikes.

So then last Friday my internet shut off, and then I remembered the whole ideal. So I call Judicial Affairs here at Loyola. I schedule a meeting for Wednesday, and my internet was shut off until then. No blogging.

Wednesday rolls around, and I meet with the guy. I'm so freakin charming. Using a lot of honesty and being just super charismatic like always, I was able to get the minimum fine of $25. Then I was like, soooo, is there anyway I could not pay and do like community service or some crap? So I have to complete 5 hours of community service by February 20th. Bfd.

The Score? Barry: 0. Law: 0. I think it counts as a tie.

Hopefully this is the end of the story. Apparently the RIAA has subpoened 5 Loyola students out of the 500 they have caught. And according to the guy, they can't really figure out the pattern; some people have thousands of songs and multiple offences, and some people have downloaded one and been caught once. And then they pay like $4000. That means there is a 1% chance of me being totally f'd. I think I might take jail time instead of paying.

Wait for me on the Outside!
--Barry

PS Happy Murphdai. Death to cock-blockers

Words of 2007

I haven't really done anything end-of-yearish, so here's something really nerdy.

Stole it from Dictionary.com. Yesh.


Words of the Year for 2007

Dictionary.com presents Words of the Year for 2007. For each month, we chose a word or phrase that was prominent or new according to our search logs and research regarding searches elsewhere on the Internet.

January: water intoxication
"Jennifer Strange had taken part in the 'Hold Your Wee for a Wii' game, which promised the winner a Nintendo Wii. Afterwards she reportedly said her head was hurting and went home, where she was later found dead. Initial tests have shown her death is consistent with water intoxication." — BBC News

February: coffee art
"Coffee art: Creative images are made in coffee." — CNN Video

March: bracketology
"Bracketology — the practice of parsing people, places, and things into discrete one-on-one matchups to determine which of the two is superior or preferable works because it is simple. It is a system that helps us make clearer and cleaner decisions about what is good, better, best in our world. What could be simpler than breaking down a choice into either/or, black or white, this one or that one?" — The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything by Mark Reiter and Richard Sandomir, excerpt courtesy of Slate

April: nappy
"The controversy over using the book 'Nappy Hair' at a Brooklyn elementary school has had predictably distressing effects. Now a principal at an intermediate school in the same district has decided against using two excellent books in the sixth grade, apparently for fear of parental protests." — The New York Times

May: diatribe
"When Meyer launched into a diatribe, was dragged away by campus cops and subdued with a Taser gun, Jessup, 22, quickly sent the footage to CNN -- because, she says, she wanted national attention and does not like Fox News." — The Washington Post

June: virtual dissection
"Point-and-click versions of scalpels, scissors and even saws allow students to find, remove and examine organs without ever smelling formaldehyde. Hundreds of schools, which are already using software as an alternative to animal dissection will receive the fetal pig module later this month."Nearly a dozen states have laws or regulations requiring public schools to offer students such an option. Animal protection groups have lobbied against dissection and many students have decided that dissecting real animals is not for them." — The New York Times

July: dogfighting
"Michael Vick's lead lawyer left open the possibility of a plea agreement after the suspended NFL star was scheduled for an April 2 jury trial on state dogfighting charges. The Atlanta Falcons quarterback pleaded guilty to a federal dogfighting conspiracy charge in August and voluntarily reported to jail last week, even though he will not be formally sentenced until Dec. 10." — The Canadian Press

August: itch mite
"Health officials believe the Oakleaf Itch Mite may be responsible for a mysterious outbreak of itchy, red rashes in the Chicago area." — ABC News

September: teratoma
"M.R.I. scans revealed a teratoma in Megan's skull — a noncancerous mass of rapidly dividing cells, the result of natural developmental processes gone awry." — The New York Times

October: fire
"Fire crews watched for flare-ups Wednesday afternoon as high winds and low humidity levels increased the danger of a new blaze in fire-scarred Southern California." — The Mercury News

November: steroids
"A quarter of Blackwater security guards in Iraq use steroids and other 'judgment-altering substances,' according to a lawsuit filed by the families of several Iraqis killed or wounded in a Baghdad shooting in September." — CNN News

December: subprime mortgage
"Andy Weissman, publisher of the weekly Energy Business Watch, said the current focus in Congress on housing market woes and the subprime mortgage meltdown are understandable, but both parties need to refocus on energy policy." — Fox News

Educational and fun,
Barry

First Round of Classes: COMPLETE!

Yes, I am done with my first round of classes. Well, except for my Dramatic Lit class, which I slept through this morning. Apparently I never set an alarm, although I am almost positive I did. I'm starting to think it went off and I turned it off while I was still pretty asleep. It sucks when you can't trust yourself. I'm starting to think that sleep-Barry is my most formidable enemy. Not cool.

But, my other classes seem super cool. Arabic II should be fine, Theatre History actually looks kinda interesting, and Characterization II will help me a lot. My coolest classes so far, though, are my Philosophy and my Playwriting class. My philosophy class is study of beauty and love...our first required text is "Beauty and the Beast." Our professor has terminal skin cancer, and last spring his class helped him write a paper that was published in a bunch of humanities journals. I think this class will be great. I'm real excited. And playwriting will be awesome because it's playwriting.

And rehearsals go on. I'm so happy I gets a sword.

Alright, let's sheath the sword metaphors,
--Barricles (aka Barry)

And here it comes again...

School starts tomorrow.

This semester's gonna be a trip. I have to wake up before 10 EVERY SINGLE FRICKIN' DAY!! First time that has ever happened.

You see, I was supposed to take this Classical Modern Philosophy class, but somehow that was cancelled and nobody made any effort to contact me. Way to go guys, really. C'MON! So I was looking at what other phil courses fit (being a philosophy major and all) and I happened upon this Philosophy of Love and Beauty course, and that looked really interesting (perhaps there'll be porn?). Unfortunately, it starts at 10:25. Then I have Characterization II at 11:30. And then Arabic at 4:00. And then Dramatic Lit I at 10 the next morning. And then Theatre History II at 11:30. And then Playwriting at 4. And then it repeats, until I die (or the semester ends). Crazy times.

Not to mention rehearsals. Burial at Thebes (aka Antigone) is coming up, and I, as a non-speaking guard, will start rehearsals tomorrow. Most everyone else have had rehearsals since last week, and apparently they've been volunteering me for whenever they need a gaurd. Like at one point I'm supposed to incompetent (which will be a really hard thing for me to play) and Antigone jacks my sword.

I hope I get it back later.

School's in, sucka,
Barry

Break's Over, back to work

So, if you couldn't figure out from my witty title, my winter break is officially over.

I spent my last night bowling one of my best friends from middle school, his girlfriend, and two of her friends. They got trashed. And then I realized I was surrounded by rednecks. I guess you can take the boy from the country, but not the country from the boy.

And this boy is leaving super early tomorrow (alright, not super early, like 10, but that's pretty early when you've been sleeping until the early afternoon nearly every day).

Productive break? Sort of, not really. Got my hair all cut, worked like 20 hours total at the Tux Shop (eff), got some DVDs, started a bunch of books and finished "The Golden Compass," which I'm on the fence about. Not much other than that. Got drunk a few times, I guess.

I think this might be the last time I spend the whole break at home, we'll see.

Cardboard City! (some drunk guy was yelling this at the bowling alley),
--Barry

Live! From the Land of Confusion

First post of 2008.

Don't forget it.

This week has been a little lonely. Most of my friends have gone back to school, so I spend a lot of time with my family. Wow, what a bunch of nutjobs. Just kidding, I love my family. I'm sure I'll have plenty of sparkeling therapy sessions concerning them, so I won't try to go into it here when I could be paying for it. Basically, I think everyone in my house thinks that they're surrounded by morons. Even the animals. Little do they know that I am the one surrounded by morons.

Work isn't an option either. My boss gave me eleven hours this week. And at minimum wage, that's about...70 bucks. Are you kidding me? Over my month long break, I worked a total of 19 hours. I used to think I could sort of rely on the Tux shop as a source of income for breaks from Chicago, but obvs I can't. And they took Guitar Hero away from the Wii stand, so I can't even take my hour long paid shred-sessions. All I can do there is sit around and wallow in my questionably-sauced fried chicken pieces from of the random places in the food court. And that can only bring you so much joy.

And if a customer comes, I'm like, wait a second, I'm getting paid minimum wage now. And I probably won't get this commision because I might not be working for a real long time. Then there's the fact that a lot of them are mentally incapacitated.

I've basically been doing a lot of reading and vegging in front of the TV watching DVDs and VH1 specials. I dislike America's Next Top Model.

And the witty remarks on "100 Best Songs of the 90's" get really old after the second viewing.

Chicago, I'll be back Saturday.

Barry. Out.

Hoppy New Year!!!

Auld Lang Syne, baby.

Important things have happened since my last post.

Namely, my birthday.

Yes, now I enter the third decade of my life. I am 20. Yes, a very big deal. What did I get for my birthday? More DVDs. That's pretty much all I got this year. Lots and Lots of DVDs. Whatevs.

I spent my birthday at Don Pablos with a few select friends, and then watched the third Pirates of Carribean (which still sucked) and then we all left. I went over to the house my other friend was housesitting, and we chilled for awhile. We got bored, so we went and hung out a bit at the 24 hour Kroger they have in Sylvania. We bummed around there for quite awhile, touching meat, examining cheeses, looking wistfully at beer that I am still to young to purchase. We finally decided to pick up a 12 pack of Jones Soda (Made from Real Cane Sugar!). I had three of them starting around 1 AM. I was up until 8.

Kinda had a bit of a freakout around 5. I drove to this abondoned park by my house and watched the sun rise over the trees. And then I drove home and crashed. Memorable birthday, I suppose.

And then tonight there should be some drinking, I believe...


HAPPY 2008!
-Barry

P.S. 2007, you suck!

Is There Life After Nog?

Yes.

Not to be bitter, but Christmas kinda sucked this year. Not much more than usual, but still sort of disappointing. Got some gift cards, some DVDs, cologne, and a nice coat, which was pretty cool. Also, next year I'm definitely mentioning somewhere that I want NO pajama pants. I now have four pairs. I don't care if they're easy to size.

And then I started thinking, well, Barry, maybe it's not about the presents, maybe it's about being together with family. And then I saw that my sister was crying because she thought she didn't have enough presents. I wanted better presents.

Like a Wii. And Guitar Hero.

But I did get the Planet Earth DVD series. That was cool.

Hopefully Christmas Round II (aka my Birthday) will be better.

Happy Boxing Day!
-Barry Christmas

Christmas Wishes

What do I want for Christmas? Not much, really:

-Some DVDs
-A decent pea coat
-A new car
-A girlfriend
-Stable family
-Better friends
-A dependable income
-Less depression and/or more prescriptions
-Not to have a heart attack before I'm 38
-Purpose, if there's enough time

Yeah, pretty standard I bet.

Happy Holidays,
Barry

**Actually, this is based off a rant my friend went off on at a party that I thought was worth repeating

Since I've Been Back

Dulcimer your heart out, old lady.

Pretty intense break so far, chitlins.

Got back Monday, and left at 10 AM with buds to go visit my friend Emily at Kenyon College near Mt. Vernon, Ohio. It was pretty fun. She has some neat friends, and we partayed pretty hardy. A lot of jumping from apartment to apartment and Keystone beer. Free Keystone beer.

I take what I can get. My one female friend always gets really excited about Kenyon, and I figured out why: kinda a big sausage fest.

No matter. It was still tre bon.

Thursday I went with the fam to Holiday Funtimes at Greenfield Village near Detroit. Basically, it's walking back into 1903 and Christmastime Merriment. There were rides in a 1916 Model T (high speeds reaching 15 mph), lots of old music, horses, reindeer, Santa, and a 1913 carousel. And, fireworks. Of course.

And then today, did some mad holiday shopping and got pretty much everything for anyone that matters. And now I have very little for myself. Boo.

Bells will be ringin,

--Bizzle.

Last College Weekend, 2007

I did absolutely nothing remotely productive today.

My roommate left at like 8 this morning, so I had to help him move his furniture six inches away from the walls in accordance with Loyola policy, all while still a little drunk. Then I slept until noon, made a really big breakfast (I'm trying to polish off as much food as I can, because I don't want it too just rot here, don't judge), took a shower, walked around and smoked the last cigar I had here, and ended the day with watching Natural Born Killers, The Departed, and Volver. I kinda figured Volver could maybe count as studying for my Spanish exam tomorrow.

This weekend as a whole has been entertaining enough. Big partay Friday at the soon-to-be-former big theatre party apartment. Lots of booze, people, music, and dancing like idiots.

Saturday was alright too. My roommate somehow convinced me to go to one of his frat parties, which involved walking around during a midnight blizzard. There I drank with some bros, listened to college boy classics such as Sublime and the occasional Dave Matthews, and watched my roommate get destroyed in beer pong, all the while honing my game-spittin skills. I ended up with pictures of me and this girl posing with the Nativity statues. Oh Christmas.

In the end, I was drunk and listening to Daft Punk in the middle of a snowstorm. For some reason I was really freaking out at that point. Who knew.

Adious,
El Barry

Three Days

That is how many days I have until I am back home, chilling with some Christmas cookies.

Finals are pretty much done, just have my Spanish 101 on Monday. It will suck.

Just got back from a big theatre going away party, pretty sweet. Danced like a moron for a large portion of it. There was actually a time when two friends and myself were doing our rendition of "You're Just Too Good to Be True" while people were making out. What can I say, love just drips from our voices. Classy.

Oh yeah,
Barry

So

I survived.

Directing scenes went up Saturday. I was in three of them. Two of them I had my hair slicked back into a pony tail.

Apparently people thought I did alright, although I tell them I don't want to hear it (although, secretly, I do....believe it or not).

Now a little over a week here, two finals, one skit, one acting scene, and I have to build a model set for an opera. Good times.

Did I mention I was cast in Guys and Dolls? I did? Well, hear it again, loser.

Ka-Boom,
Barry

Suits and Boobs

Got into Guys and Dolls.

I am the same part I had in eigth grade.

Harry the Horse. It is awesome. Every line I have is marvelous.

I'll be happy if I get through tomorrow. Two papers due. As of now, one is finished.

Why do I talk in fragments? Unknown.

Getting drunk as soon as my classes are over tomorrow.

Oh, wait, I have a bunch of directing scene rehearsals, which go up Saturday.

Getting drunk soon after those are finished.

It's good to have goals,
Barry

Something to Ponder

A dream I had recently:

Coming back from Thanksgiving, I noticed that over the days more and more of my food was missing than what should be. Then I figured out that my beloved sheep from back home snuck into my suitcase and now was loose in my dorm. And I was like, "Great! I love my sheep. She'll fit in awesomely. Bet she'll be a total chick magnet too." So I decided to keep her around, take her on walks, shear her for clothes, etc...

And then I woke up and realized that I have never owned a sheep.

I think it means that subconciously I really want a pet sheep.

Or more sweaters.

It snowed today. Hardcore.

Baaaaa,
Barry

Christmastime is Here

So I'm trying to pick the five Christmas songs that will be most heard around the Barry Family Upright this happy Christmas Eve.

I think I got them:

5. "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney
4. "The Chipmunk Song" by Alvin and the Chipmunks feat. Dave
3. "Do They Know It's Christmastime at all?" by Rock Stars for Africa or whatever
2. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by some little girl

and, the number one best Christmas song:

1. "The Christmas Shoes" by New Song

Amazing.

Merry Christmas,
Barry

Remember what the Doormouse Said....

I haven't been in my dorm since noon today.

Had the first readthrough of "Burial at Thebes" (Antigone) tonight. I didn't do a whole lot of reading--your's truly is a non-speaking gaurd (sorry, I'm trying not to come off as bitter. I'm sure the word "douche-bag" is being tossed around). It actually looks like it should be pretty cool. And I get a samauri sword, which will be an absolute blast off-stage.

Tomorrow I have auditions for Charles Mea's Big Love, which is a bizarre play.

Saturday are auditions for "Guys and Dolls" or, as some of the majors lovingly refer to it, "Suits and Boobs."

These next two weeks are going to be nutty to the max,
--Barry

Thanksgiving Reflections

They recently received Guitar Hero III at the Wii station in the mall, and I worked on Wednesday and Saturday. Needless to say, I've spent roughly five hours (for which I did indeed get paid) playing Guitar Hero instead of selling tuxedos.

Basically, Thanksgiving has been pretty good.

The family and myself traveled down to Columbus to spend Thanksgiving with my aunt and her cats. For some reason, we actually brought our new kitten along, so there were more cats than usual. They get pretty vicious after poking them in the stomach awhile. My hands are decently scratched up. They jump around a lot though, which sometimes is better than TV.

The food was good. Turkey, ham, punkin pie, green bean crap, mashed potatoes, stuffing, etc. Basically what I've been living on the past few days. I think I might take a whole pie back to school with me if there is a way to carry it.

Black Friday sucked. Woke up at 4:15, traveled to a billion different places, and decided the lines were not worth a $5 DVD. Father did buy breakfast, though.

Pumpkin,
Barry

P.S. The Taco Bell in the Westfield Shopping Mall in Toledo, Ohio sucks hard.

I Should Be Packing

But, instead, the music is in my soul.

Enjoy my new fr-fr-fresh track. Comin atcha....

Now.



Crazily Lovestoned,
Barry and the On Occasions